Last Sunday was the last day of my final course for a while. Teaching online was becoming more hassle than it was worth now that Asher wants to get into everything - and wants mommy to applaud and smile. 'See what I can do?,' he suggests in his proud, thoughtful eyes.
So, here I am - with more time on my hands, sort of. And the first thing I decide to do during Ash's first nap of the day is say hello. To you, that is.
The truth is I miss teaching, not online, but in the classroom. I miss creating assignments. Digging deeper into students' brains. Asking for more. Offering any insight a student was willing to take.
Another truth is I often felt I was teaching to the "Fat Lady," a reference from Franny and Zooey which I've brought up before (and probably will for many moons to come). Meaning, most of the teenage students in my classes did not want to actually learn. They wanted to discuss themselves. They wanted to revel in their own lives, fantasize about the future, or practice saying something clever to get the cute girls' attentions.
I loved indulging in this world with them, I admit. These were my favorite moments in the classroom too. All I really wanted was to help. With what, I wasn't always sure. But, I definitely wanted "in" to their worlds, and I wanted them "in" to mine, to an extent.
For this non-joiner, I sure craved community and hoped they would too.
Now, I find myself striving for the same among the mothers I meet, only it isn't quite as simple. I can't walk into a playdate with a lesson plan or an agenda - even if I want to. For, many women in these groups don't seem to discuss anything more than motherhood, childbirth, or the current stage in baby's life.
Perhaps, this is enough. Maybe, just maybe, I am building the foundation for my own community. My personal mommy world where reveling in the small daily accomplishments and blunders is the breaking of ground for the true excavation.
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