How can it be that I feel the most confident version of myself I can remember being in such a long time, if ever, and yet I've never carried this much weight? The paradox is strange to me. I feel confident, yet un-confident.
In truth, when I see myself in the mirror, I often see a middle-aged woman's body. This shocking image stares back at me in search of her skinnier self. I was always the girl - and woman - who never had to worry about her weight. Who got upset when she had to eventually wear size 8 jeans. Who could eat that large piece of gooey, chocolate cake and a plate of fries and not worry for a skinny minute.
And now, I wouldn't try to pull on those size 8 jeans unless I was given a large sum of money. The humiliation wouldn't be worth it, otherwise.
At any rate, I am so not used to having this body. The desire to exercise does strike more and more, but do I have to actually work hard at it? I mean, really? Is this my new reality?
Postpartum bellyhood, here we are. This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. I think I just might let this belly stick around for a bit. Get to know it. Get to understand all of those women whom I've been hearing bitch about their weight for my whole life.
Even if - and I mean if - I had to keep this belly for the rest of my life, it would be so worth it. For Ash, and for the new mommy-confidence, ten to twenty pounds is welcome on this body.
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